But what I saw
was different from what I so wanted to see..
I was on top of something I didn’t care to know, everywhere was
white and blurring for the first few seconds, I knew this wasn’t
my room. I knew something was happening to me , I looked
down on me and was cover with white robes ..
what WE are thinking right?
“Ehhhh? Na Heaven WE enter? Abi devil don dey wear white? I
know say we nor fit make heaven at all! God can’t cheat!!!!”..
My ever living MIND started shouting as my heart started beating
I shouted “Where am I?”.. Not really like shouting but I knew that
was the last energy I had.. I heard someone call my Name, I
wanted to say it was God but that voice nor resemble that
echoing voice for movies..
“Who be you?”.. I said as I heard someone cry, praying in my
local Dialect.. This was when I realized the voice to be that of my
MUM.. Besides, she is the only person I know that prays in local
I wanted to shout MUM but who sigh? I was f**king weak as all I
was seeing were white lights and voices reaching out for a
Doctor. I just chilled as I couldn’t open my mouth but I dey tell
you!!.. Me and Doctors nor be friends ohhhh!
I heard the machine they use in measuring heartbeat( I still
don’t knw d name) beep continuously, and I saw shadows of
people checking me out..
I had a feeling I was being given an Injection as my eyes started
I didn’t know what happened sha , but I couldn’t control the
muscles in the eyes any longer ..
I was in a state of Hypnagogia for hours as I still heard feint
voices.. then I finally fell into a trance , saw me and Faith
laugh and smile as she kissed me in a very lone place.. Amongst
other things. (Chai! Anesthesia nor good I swear!!!! )
I woke up once again but this time around, the white
surroundings disappeared.. Turned out it was just some LIGHTS
that were on my body that almost made me enter heaven by force
Do I need to say it lOud that I was in a HOSPITAL? Ok.. I was
in the hospital
My Mum, lying down there with her head down, I tried reaching
her as I stood up(Strong Man) and when I touched her, she woke
up(didn’t know she was sleeping sha), took me back to my small
bed and started crying..
I didn’t wanted to cry, so I told her to stop crying that I was hale
and healthy and all that, then I wished her a Happy New Year
as the time on the wall says 3am. She gave me food to eat(she
knows I don’t joke with Rice and Beans ).. Just when I thought
I would start asking my Mum about Faith and how she got to
Lagos from Benin in less than 4hours.. One cute nurse came
inside with one killer smile
“Them nor dey sleep? Ahan.. Make she nor near my yannxh
oh!”.. Was what my Dumb mind said as I saw a syringe on her
tray… Then she smiled, checked my pulses and gave me an
injection .. The rest na story!!!
We left the hospital the following day (As in.. It was 3am already,
so the next day ) as I almost didn’t wanna leave because of
the cute nurses.
And anytime I start asking my Mum about faith and the outside
world, they come with a smile and knock me out with sleeping
Injections . And no, I couldn’t ask my Mum about my Uncle
because I was so ashamed of looking into her eyes, especially
when it seemed she was trying hard not to reach that topic.
Maybe the doctor advised?
Well, I got out the hospital and saw LUTH at the sign board.. I
wanted to ask Mum another question as she could see it on my
face, but she gave me a sign that had “Don’t ask” written over it.
I got to my Uncle’s house.. No! Not Daniel, this one is another
one, Uncle Malik.. .. Uncle Malik was in the army and had a
house in the barracks at BONY Catonement. I just knew it that
my Mum won’t dare go to Uncle Daniel’s house because of my
After highlighting from the Metro Cab, I don’t know what led the
CABman to tune up his radio to Brillia FM oh! But all I know was
DR. LANRE IZAMOJE was airing his normal saturday show as I
heard “4th of January 2013..”.. Then Jaywon’s THIS YEAR(Odun
Yi) started playing.
Wait.. 4th of January 2013? 4th.. 1st, 2nd, 3rd,
After hours of confusion, I started asking my mum what
happened and why the date was 4th instead of 2nd.
It took me minutes for me to be able to break her down, as I
knew her weak point.. (DON’T EAT!! )
She broke down in tears as she gave me a Nollywood story that
was written by my uncle(Daniel)… And I will tell you all..
Story! Story!!.. Once upon a time:
“I went to a party without Daniel’s consent, and that wasn’t the
first time I did it as it was regular, as usual, I got drunk and broke
into a fight with my cult gang, I got hit on the head.. He called
my MUM immediately he heard the news, my Mum entered the
next Bus to Lagos, not telling my DAD what happened as she lied
because if my Dad heard, na die …
She got to Lagos, I had to be transferred to LUTH due to a scare
of brain damage as I was having seizures,reduced or pumped out
the codeine level in my blood.. And I was under Anesthesia for
2days to allow the injury on my head chill”.. Bleh Bleh bleh..
At this moment, I didn’t know if I was to be happy,sad or
depressed. Happy because my Mum(NO ONE) didn’t know what
really happened, sad because I was in what I interpreted as
COMA few days back.. Depressed because I was depressed and
felt miserable! .. Well, I didn’t say any word till my Mum went
in to sleep as I collected her phone, since mine was nowhere to
Didn’t know faith’s number Offhand, so I just opted to go on
twitter to check on her.. Her last tweet was on the 1st of
december.. And it read “I planned a new year eve for Two, me
Headed to facebook as that was the only place I could send a
message with my mind poured out into it but to my greatest
surprise, my Inbox was Full of messages.. Opened it and gazed
through all to see if faith’s own was there and behold, I saw it
right there, just above the “See more messages” option..
I clicked it, it took YEARS for the page to open(EmptyHen!!!!!
).. Meanwhile, the Dr warned me not to bother myself
emotionally as my Adrenalins were still very much on high. So I
just did what he told me (Count from 1 to 100 when you are
about being tensed ).
After counting to 20, the page opened and what seems to be an
essay with over 500words popped up.. I dey come make I look
for the message for inside my message inbox . If I no see am,
I go come write wetin I remember in a way my teacher taught
*Edited copy of her Facebook message*
So I am writin dis After I heard yo in Intensive Care Unit and I
pray you sometyms read this becos I am scared as f**k.. I guess
you are reading this by now. And yeah, I pray my phone survives
this salty water that I am soaking it in.
Sitting right at the back of the car,ur head on my laps as it bled
blood, tears rolling down your eyes as I tried all my best telling
you to stop joking with me.. You just la!d there, going into
seizures,deaf to my calls,indifferent about my punches.. and all I
could do was nothing but pray!.
Den again, the nurses shouting at me to let go of you as they
rolled you away in the stretcher, I forced myself into the
emergency room as I watched you close your eyes, face with a
smile as tears rolled down your eyes and the nurses trying their
best to revive you. And it was all black out as I heard voices
saying I shouldn’t be allowed in..
Woke up to find out dt I passed out, but all I wanted was to see
you.. Then I was told you were moved to LUTH in an ambulance,
You know.. I had a suicide thought this morning..
No! I had a
failed attempted suicide this morning, Joyce moving me and
abigail into a Hotel pending the tickets of our flight to Abuja,
Esther in a place I don’t know and you probably dying as I type.
Well, I guess this was my destiny.. To be heartbroken by the only
ones I love.
Why do I write? because I jst want to.. because It gives me hope
that you would read this. because I don’t know who to tell..
because I jst can’t live without you. I knw things will never work
out for both of us but please! Stay alive and fight for your life, for
me.. For Us!
And if you woke up to hear that I am no more, then the next
attempt went well, guess what I just did.. I prayed to Got to take
my f**ked up life and give it to you. Hey, I hope I don’t see you
were I would be headed… I Love You and Will Always Do but this
has to stop!
After I read this, I felt something die in me.. No! I didn’t finish
reading it, I stopped at somewhere but I knew I didn’t finished it..
How could I have forgotten the the morning of 31st December?
How did I not remember the feeling I had? Where was that soft
me? What did the doctors did to me? Why the sudden return of
that feeling? Why am I alone? How come I didn’t wake up to look
for faith? .. I was so lost in thoughts that all I could remember in
what I read was “Bye Danladi”..
No!.. That wasn’t just a bye bye.. It didn’t sounded like the bye
bye she told me before I went to the party.. It was a BYE that
sounded like the last.. Like that was a BYE .. Right? Was she
“Take this basssstard to church because I am about being
possessed!!”.. I said to myself..
Voices of legions.. All I could remember were the words my
doctor told me and how faith used to call me a Dummy.. I felt an
awkward reaction in my body.. My body metabolism went up as
my eyes started working the other way..
Was this love? Or was it me feeling guilty for what I did to her? If
it was love, how come I didn’t feel it few minutes ago? Why was I
occupied with other stuffs? Yeah? I was pretty joking some few
minutes ago right? Yeah! That was it..
Last time I checked the time, it was 11pm.. I started counting
numbers.. This time around, not in my mind but I was using the
last energy I had in shouting it.. 1… 2… 3.. 4…. 5….. 6….. 7…
I remember my Mom come out from the Guest room she was in,
my Uncle came too as everyone thought I was mad.. No,
seriously.. I knew what I was doing, I knew it wasn’t what a sane
person would do but I just couldn’t help it.. This wasn’t love
right? It was Guilt and Pity?
Just like it was before, I stood up.. Looking at Uncle Malik as he
walked up to me, memories flashed.. I thought he was going to
slap me the way Uncle Daniel did, so I acted in self defense as I
slapped him first .. And then I heard my Mum Cry as she
said “Ladi Stop!!!”..
No! I don’t like my Mum crying.. I hate when I make women cry..
but I didn’t know what was wrong with me.. My legs started
shaking just like it did few days ago as I started entering the
ground.. First I saw Faith cry before that happened, now I heard
Mum cry before this? Why is this happening?..
I just imagined my head hitting the floor again as I lost balance
but according to my lost senses, I didn’t hit the floor.. My uncle
caught me.. And I was rushed again.. To an hospital.. This time
around, on my mother’s lap ..
“Oh! Lord… Make the voices stop!!!!!”.. I said in my very semi-
I woke up.. The next day, told my Mum if she doesn’t ask if faith
was alive, I would kill myself. Ended up in a Rehab centre, Mum
said a doctor suggested it.. Oh! That cute nurse came to the
hospital I was in, counseled me and made me go to the rehab..
After she told me I had STD ..
Faith didn’t die .. The attempt failed again? Heard she was in a
critical state though.. Her Dad wanted to arrest me at first. Lol!
And yeah! I got to speak with her because I threatened them
again. My Dad, Mum and everyone got to know the full gists
(Uncle Daniel’s house shiiii) as Uncle Daniel sold his properties,
traveled to switzerland with his other mistress to start a new life.
Esther, Joyce.. Still sitting here, wondering which one of them
gave me STDs because the two of them were over clean in the
eyes .. But I heard Joyce is a lawyer(single) in Abuja, Esther is
in London and Abigail.. The worst of them All.. I seriously haven’t
heard of her.
I was in the rehab for three reasons.. Drugs Abuse(Codeine and
s*x..ual stimulants), Heartbreak and .. Accepting the fact the I
was HIV Positive (not aids oh )..
I saw a picture of Asamoah in his matriculation robe some few
days back.. Tobby also put Adeleke University on his facebook
Profile.. Angela? She graduated last year with a 2nd Class..
Yvonne? Somewhere in london forgetting there was a boy that
once made her Kum. And me? glad everything happened .
No! That was a joke.. How can I be Glad? I accepted my mistake
and realized it was not too late to make a difference.. To reach
out to people like me out there who think they need to boost their
self esteem by associating with people.
Ummm.. I guess this is the point we call
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